Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Hurry Up and Wait


The two weeks before his birth were an exciting and trying time for me.  Each day brought us closer to seeing her again and meeting Zain, but each day my heart felt heavy with worry. A match does not mean a placement and she has every right to change her mind at any time.  The phone would ring and my heart would jump thinking it was her changing her mind. We prayed for protected hearts and tried to focus on our relationship with her, knowing that God had brought us together with her for a reason. Even if that meant us leaving the hospital with an empty car seat.

Our friendship grew through several texts a day and it literally felt like part of my heart had been left behind with her. There were several times she went to the hospital with high blood pressure, contractions, and even once when she fell and each time I had to talk myself out of driving the 4 hours to check on her.  It definitely puts you in a weird position. It’s almost unexplainable. You’ve been matched with a complete stranger who says they want you to raise their child and you’ve got two weeks to get to know them as quickly as possible all the while hoping she doesn’t have a change of heart. It’s like walking a balance beam; all we could do was pray and hoped we didn’t lean too far.

Our parents and close friends became our prayer warriors for us.  Their prayers kept us from jumping off the edge when it became too much and they helped us celebrate the thought of having a son.

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