Bringing Him Home

Thursday was much of the same, visiting with Zain and K, giving them all the time they needed together.  We discussed being discharged Friday morning and decided that K would call us into her room when she was ready to say goodbye.  While our excitement grew knowing that we would be bringing our little guy home, our hearts broke for K and her family.

Friday morning we woke up around 5 out of excitement, packed our things up, brought in the car seat and diaper bag, and waited for the phone call from K. The hours passed and we became nervous, wanting to give her time with him, but so ready to be heading home.  Several hours later she invited us to her room and as we walked in she was holding him in her arms. Derek and I just sat and watched as she kissed, hugged on him, and told him how much she loved him.  She handed him to me and I put him in the newborn cart so that we could say goodbye.  To say it was an emotional time would be an understatement.  I hated seeing her in pain as she had become someone I now loved.  As we left the room, we reminded each other that this was just the beginning of a beautiful and bigger family with a sweet little boy at the center.  

When we made it back to our hospital room with our new son, Derek and I collapsed and sobbed. It was the first time we had been alone with him and every emotion came crashing down.  It was so overwhelming knowing that we were praising God in our room and she was mourning her loss just across the hall. 

I put him in his “going home” outfit and put his white hospital onesie in a gift bag along with his id bracelet and some other gifts. I asked our discharge nurse to give it to her later in the day.

We were discharged several hours later and started the 4 hour drive home as new parents. We couldn’t wait to get home and introduce him to all of our sweet friends who had been praying for him!

The journey to building our family was finally over, but the adventure of Team Smith had just begun!

The Honest Truth

While adoption is a beautiful thing, there are some times during the journey that aren’t very pretty. Our time at the hospital was incredible, but we had some rough patches.  There were some nurses who just didn’t care for us because we were adopting and wouldn’t include us in anything involving Zain and K. There was even one who kicked us out of the room and tried to talk K out of her decision.  At times, we felt unwelcomed by the staff and it was very annoying when it came to caring for Zain in the hospital.

Other things were more trivial. Derek and I had packed for 4 days, but K asked us to stay the entire time she was there, so we ended up running out of clothes. We were eating every meal at the cafeteria and living out of a suitcase. Staying in a small room where we couldn’t really relax was exhausting and I was so stressed that I ended up being sick most of the time.  Being away from family and friends was also extremely hard.  Our support came from knowing that our friends and family back home were praying like mad people!

The good times far outweighed the bad and even during those rough times we could still clearly see God working. Even our agent was amazed at the outcome of our situation. She said that our particular situation was one of the riskiest our agency had ever done. She actually told us that she was amazed that it had actually happened.  That’s God for you! He took a situation that from a worldly perspective just shouldn’t have worked out and made the outcome something beautiful. 

The Day After

The morning came and we were in her room with Zain by 7:00am. The day was full of sweet visitors, mostly K’s family. We were able to meet and get pictures of  Zain’s aunts, uncle, cousins, and great grandmother. His aunt who worked at the hospital was even the one to fill out his birth certificate.  Our agent came by to check on everyone and said she would be back tomorrow to sign the paperwork.

The day was wonderful as we got to learn so much about her and her family. Being in a hospital room together for an extended period of time will definitely do that! Derek and I held Zain all day until we went back to our room around midnight that night. Again we crashed after grabbing some food from the cafeteria and sending emails our for prayer. It was another incredible day!

Wednesday was a day full of ups and downs- it was the day she signed her consent papers. She asked that we stay in the room with her while she signed which was highly unusual. We were overwhelmed by her trust in us. I had another “out of this world” moment as I was holding Zain watching her sign her consent papers. I couldn’t hold back my tears as I just prayed for her then.  But I was even more moved when her father whispered to me that he was so proud of us.

There is just no way to describe how connected we felt to her family during our stay. It was almost like a marriage where you can just feel God connecting two families together. It was seamless and beautiful to watch happen.  Even though we had just met them I knew that her father would protect us no matter what happened and her mother was full of such compassion for us during her time of loss.  K wanted us to be a part of everything and made sure that the nurses knew it! They blessed us so much during this incredible, but sometimes uncomfortable situation.

The day involved K signing her consents and a celebration dinner that night. It was Derek, K, Zain, and myself huddled around a table enjoying a nice dinner, dessert, and sparkling cider. It was truly a time of celebration and laughter! At the end, K wrote on the empty sparkling cider bottle the date and why we were celebrating. This was probably one of my most favorite times!

Meeting Zain!!!

We drove up Sunday night and found a hotel to stay in. To say the least we didn’t get much sleep.

The morning of K’s c-section we drove to the hospital at 7:00 am. We ran through the parking garage, and the hospital towards the maternity wing and when we asked what room she was in, we were told she wasn’t there. Oh, the panic! We found that we were at the wrong hospital. There were several by the same name.

We rushed to the other hospital about 15 minutes away and texted K letting her know we wouldn’t be able to see her before they took her back into pre-op. We were pretty upset, but it was all in God’s plan.

When we finally made it to the right hospital we sat in the waiting room with K’s father and daughter. She was asleep on his lap when we came in. Her father, G, was so sweet to us. When we sat down the first thing he said was, “you know, you’re gaining a whole family, right?” We agreed that that was exactly what we wanted. He asked us what we did , what our family was like, and how we had gotten to this point of the process while we waited to hear from K.

Shortly after K’s mom M, came back and told us that he had been born at 7:45 on September 24^th, weighing 7lbs 14 ounces, and 19 inches long. Both he and K had done beautifully! She told us we could go back and see him and I remember being so nervous.  We walked down the hall to a small post-op room that was more like a closet. In the room was K, looking worn out but beautiful, her dad holding her daughter, her mom, three nurses, and Derek and I. We were crammed into the room and we kept bumping into each other.

It’s so much of a blur, but as I walked into the room, M turned around towards me holding Zain. She handed him to me saying, “here’s your son,” and I just cried and cried.  Although I was overjoyed to finally meet this sweet boy, I was even more overwhelmed by the symbolism of his grandmother handing him to me.  I can’t imagine how that must have felt for her.

He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Perfect in every way!  I passed him to Derek who cried as well and then we all took turns loving on him. It was just one of the beautiful moments during our hospital stay with K and her family. We were there while they weighed and checked him over and we took probably 4,000 pictures. We hugged K and held E as she stared at her new brother.

As we were all leaving the room K asked if we had decided on a name for him yet. We told her that we’d love to name him Zain Alan, which is Derek’s family name. She asked how we were going to spell it and after we told her she said she loved it! Zain Alan it was!

I passed Zain to K while she was being checked over and the nurses gave me an id bracelet. I felt so honored that K would share that with me. We were then asked to leave the room while they prepared Zain and K to be moved to an actual room. We waited in the waiting room with G, M, and E and made phone calls to our parents. We were all so excited!

As we sat together in the waiting room, G asked what we decided to name him. We again said Zain Alan and he also asked how we spelled his middle name. Now I’m thinking to myself what is so important about how we spell his middle name?! But after telling him, he thought for a moment and said, “hmm, well that’s how I spell my middle name, and my son’s and his son’s.” It was another incredible moment! What a beautiful way for God to bring our families together through the naming of our son!

We all spent the day together in K’s room taking pictures and holding him.  We got to see his first bath, feeding, and diaper change, something most adoptive couples don’t get the chance to see.  We felt blessed just to know him, even though we weren’t sure of how this journey would end.

That evening we were given a room to stay in by a sweet nurse who hid us away and after such a long day we were happy to have a place to recharge.  We crashed after sending photos to our closest friends and family and prayed for whatever was to come the next day.

Shower of Babies!

What a beautiful celebration it was! My friend Amy threw me the cutest baby shower with my closest friends and family there.  

I couldn't arrive at my own baby shower without a big prego belly so I stuffed a pillow up my shirt and waddled in. It was so much fun making an entrance! 


We played games, ate too much cake and punch, and opened sweet gifts. We had such a blast goofing off and laughing! There was a diaper cake and transracial cupcakes! Too cute!






At the beginning of the party each guest had to guess if we would be getting a boy or a girl by wearing a necklace for a girl or a tie for a boy. It was too funny to see everyone wearing a tie that knew we had been matched with Zain! I wore both a tie and a necklace, so I would at least be 50% right. 



















Even though the party was wonderful my mind was about 4 hours up north with K. I kept wondering how she was doing and what she must be feeling. I had even told the girls at the shower that we weren't planning on going to the hospital anymore because she hadn't contacted us. They cried with us and prayed for God's glory. And then it happened.

I was checking my phone as we were packing everything up and heading out the door and she left a message asking us to come on up to the hospital. I broke down in tears and everyone came running. I got to share the good news with all of my closest girl friends that we were headed up to meet with K that afternoon and she still wanted us to be there! If God had waited 5 more minutes to orchestrate that I wouldn't have gotten to share that with them. It was a wonderful ending to a wonderful party!

Adoption Isn't Easy

Something was wrong. I could feel it in my gut.  It was Friday, two days before our drive to meet her again.  I had texted her but not gotten a response.  I got sicker as each hour passed thinking the worst. I just knew that she had changed her mind and didn't want to tell us. I kept wanting to call and tell her that was okay, that we were with her until the end no matter what.  My heart broke for her. Her c-section was days away and I couldn’t imagine what she must have been going through.  Our hearts poured out prayers for her and her family in those last days.

Saturday came with still no response and Derek and I had resolved that we were just going to try and enjoy the ride. We knew that we were right where God wanted us to be- next to K.  We just couldn’t see what came next. We spent the day distracting ourselves with shopping at goodwill’s and flea markets and just enjoying our time together.

We had planned to meet K and her family on Sunday evening and stay in a hotel. We’d then meet her at the hospital Monday morning to meet the little guy, but that was before the texts stopped happening. We felt like something about the situation was changing and it scared us.

In an adoption, the adoptive couple has little control of anything.  It's probably the scariest thing of it all. When you have biological children there are some things you can count on - you probably know gender and race ahead of time, you're pretty certain which hospital you'll be at, your family and friends can visit, and you know without a doubt that you'll be leaving with your child. Adoption just isn't like that. It's more of a grab bag- this race, this gender, this location, this name, this birth mom, and the chance that you'll be leaving empty handed.  All you can do is fill out the paperwork and hold on. 

In order to protect our hearts we decided that if we didn’t hear from her by the end of my baby shower on Sunday then we would call our agent and tell them we weren’t going to the hospital. We would give her all the privacy she needed and in turn guard our hearts.

Hurry Up and Wait

The two weeks before his birth were an exciting and trying time for me.  Each day brought us closer to seeing her again and meeting Zain, but each day my heart felt heavy with worry. A match does not mean a placement and she has every right to change her mind at any time.  The phone would ring and my heart would jump thinking it was her changing her mind. We prayed for protected hearts and tried to focus on our relationship with her, knowing that God had brought us together with her for a reason. Even if that meant us leaving the hospital with an empty car seat.

Our friendship grew through several texts a day and it literally felt like part of my heart had been left behind with her. There were several times she went to the hospital with high blood pressure, contractions, and even once when she fell and each time I had to talk myself out of driving the 4 hours to check on her.  It definitely puts you in a weird position. It’s almost unexplainable. You’ve been matched with a complete stranger who says they want you to raise their child and you’ve got two weeks to get to know them as quickly as possible all the while hoping she doesn’t have a change of heart. It’s like walking a balance beam; all we could do was pray and hoped we didn’t lean too far.

Our parents and close friends became our prayer warriors for us.  Their prayers kept us from jumping off the edge when it became too much and they helped us celebrate the thought of having a son.

Match Meeting in Heaven

Just two weeks after we were approved to adopt, we found ourselves driving 4 hours up north to meet with our potential birth mom. We felt such peace about meeting her that we knew something incredible would happen, but as we got closer and closer to seeing her our nerves became overwhelming. 

On the drive up we talked about the what if’s and saw little God signs along the way - billboards urging you to adopt or foster and a bumper sticker that we followed quite a way that plainly said “adopt!”.  Both Derek and I felt like we were right where God wanted us to be and we couldn’t wait to see the woman he wanted us to meet!

You feel such overwhelming emotions. Will she like us? Will she think we’re silly or too young to raise a family? What if I say something incredibly stupid? It’s really a moment when those bad thoughts can run away with your heart. We just had to keep reminding ourselves that there was some reason that God wanted us to meet her.

We arrived in the church parking lot where we were to meet, prayed in the car (which caused us to be a little late), and held hands as we walked in to meet with our agent Barb, and our potential birth mom, K.

We sat outside in some chairs talking about nothing at all just to keep our nerves down as we waited for someone to tell us where to go and what to do.  A sweet lady introduced herself as Barb and explained that she had already been meeting with K that day. She asked if we had any questions and told us that she would lead the conversations to help out.  Match meetings usually last about an hour and the agent mediates the conversation because everyone is usually so nervous. At the end Barb told us we would either be told to wait outside or to go on home and she would give us a call on the way to let us know what happened.

She said that K said to not leave her alone in the room for too long because she was so nervous and it gave me such peace to be reminded that we weren’t the only ones in this potential match.

I can’t even explain to you the emotion that I felt when I saw her for the first time. Her strawberry blonde hair, her freckles, her sweet smile. I fell in love. There was an instant connection in my heart before she even opened her mouth. And then she cracked a joke about not being shy and we all laughed and laughed. It was beautiful. She was beautiful.

The next hour and a half was incredibly peaceful. We each shared our stories and marveled at how the dates matched up in our journeys.  She became pregnant in late December; we lost a child in January. She came to Bethany in March; we decided to adopt through Bethany in March and started our paperwork. She met with a birth counselor August 24th four days after our adoption approval.  She was due  September 24^th; my baby shower was scheduled for the 23^rd.

When Barb asked her why she was interested in an adoption plan, K answered that she wanted him to have a father. Someone to love him and teach him to pee standing up!

She said “he”. It’s a BOY!!!!!!!

Barb said that K wanted to tell us the sex of her little one in person during our meeting, but she let it slip! We all started cracking up. K was so upset that she spilled the beans, but it was an adorable moment.

We knew that she had seen our profile and picked us, but we wanted to know why we stood out to her. She said when she first found out she was pregnant months earlier, she had looked at quite a few profiles (we had not been approved yet and weren’t in that stack), but none of them felt right. When she later came back to the agency she was given a new stack of profiles to look through which included ours (only 4 days after we joined the pool of profiles) and we were chosen. Barb told us on the phone that K laughed through our profile and seemed to really connect with us.  K said that she loved the picture of Armand smiling, the words Derek and I wrote about each other, our Christian faith and serving lifestyle, and our gray nursery.  All those hours of work creating that profile seemed so worth it now.

Barb hardly had to mediate our conversations. It was easy to talk with K. We seemed to have so much in common, but what was especially important to us was a similar humor. Derek and I are just plain weird and sometimes people don’t get that. We had prayed and prayed for a mom who would understand that about us, so when she said her favorite movie was Robin Hood: Men In Tights, I just laughed!

There was only one time that I thought we were in trouble. She had one question for us that wasn’t on the cheat sheet- if our son told us that he was going to a friend’s house where there was no drinking and then later called us drunk needing a ride, what would we do.  Derek and I knew immediately what we would do, but how do you tell this potential birth mom that you would beat him if that were your son, knowing it’s her son. I remember taking a big breath and saying, “if that were my son I would go pick him up and then let him have it.” I knew she would kick us out of the room. I held my breath waiting for the boot kick towards the door and she just smiled and said that was exactly what she would have done . We passed!

Naming her little guy was extremely important to her and she asked that if we were matched would we keep his name.  She asked that his name be Zain and we loved it! It was actually one of the names we had on our “boy list”.  K named him Zain for two reasons- one, because it means “God’s gracious gift” and she said no matter who was going to parent him, he was going to be a gift to someone and two, it’s spelled with an “ain” to match his half sister’s name. We loved it!

Another God moment was when she told us how important breast-feeding him was to her and she planned on doing it in the hospital and was hoping to provide milk for him afterwards. We were floored! This was such an important thing for us that I had already lined up milk donors at home.  She is definitely one of a kind to be able to sacrifice her time and heart to do that for him.

An hour and a half passed like a blink of the eye and Barb was bringing us to a close. I can remember being so bummed that it was over because I probably could have talked to her all day if they’d let me. We were asked to leave the room, gave K hugs, and as we were walking out Barb asked us to wait in the lobby. Derek and I looked at each other with hopeful hearts.

As we waited out in the lobby for about 10 minutes trying to dissect everything that had just happened, Barb came back out and asked that we would rejoin K in the room. We sat at the table and K said that she wanted us to be his parents. I just cried and she laughed at me asking if they were happy tears.  We were now officially matched with K and Baby Zain!

Barb explained that at this point our relationship was up to us, so we shared cell phone numbers and planned to text whenever we could in the 2 weeks before her delivery date. We hugged again and as we walked out Derek and I talked about getting some ice cream. K yelled “did someone say ice cream”?   We invited her and E, her 3 year old daughter to grab some ice cream and continue the conversation.

We had such a blast goofing off with K and E! We laughed as strawberry blonde, bright blue eyed, fair skinned E would jump from each of our laps roaring like a lion having a major sugar rush. She played with my hair and gave hugs and kisses to Derek. She was an adorable ball of energy.  While she played around us as we sat outside the ice cream shop I remember having a moment when I looked at K’s belly and saw the lump that was Zain. It was like everything stood still.  Derek and I could possibly be that little lump’s parents.

Our ice cream conversations lasted another 4 hours so it was midnight by the time we made it back home.  The ride home was mostly Derek and I staring at each other and giggling. 

The Bigger Picture

I'm staring at a blank page because I just don't know where to even start. So much has happened in the past 4 weeks that I'm not sure if I can write it out, but I know that this is one of the most important things we can do right now. Write it down so we don't forget. 

The week of our adoption yard sale was a turning point for us. It was supposed to pour, hail, and thunderstorm the night before our sale. Derek got called into mandatory overtime and we had volunteers who just couldn’t make it to help set up. There were only 3 of us girls available to move over 8 truck loads of donated items including large furniture. It was looking like a disaster.  We considered canceling it, but we had so much stuff that we couldn’t store it anywhere and so many people said they were going to attend. I tried calling other locations to move it indoors, but nothing worked. Everything was falling apart.  Friends kept calling us with updated weather conditions telling us we were crazy to move forward with it, but we both felt like God was going to do something incredible and we didn’t want to miss it.  Rain or shine, God was moving.

Two days before our yard sale, I was babysitting a little guy. The reception is horrible out there so my phone never works. I heard it ding like it does when there is a voicemail, so I tried to check it, but couldn’t. I didn’t recognize the number, but it looked like it was out of the area, so I checked it against Bethany’s number and it wasn’t a match. Bummer. About an hour later I heard it ding again like it had service, so I ran to a window for better reception and listened to the voice mail. All I could understand was, “this is (static) from Bethany (static) and we need you to call as soon as you get this message.”

They must need more paper work. They always need more paper work. Maybe we didn’t sign something or filed a form incorrectly. I knew that I wouldn’t get service until I was done babysitting several hours later, so I tried texting Derek to see if he had gotten a call as well. They wouldn’t try calling both of us if they just wanted paperwork. I ran around the house trying to find a single bar of service so I could send it and then I had to stand in the same spot to wait for his reply.

15 minutes later, Derek said they did contact him and he would be calling on his lunch hour. I knew something was up. I could feel it in my gut.  It was excruciating waiting to hear what they wanted and all the while running around the house with my cell phone in the air just trying to get some reception. The little guy I was watching ran around the house with his play phone. I guess he thought it was a game!

An hour later I got the text that there was a birth mom who wanted to meet with us the very next day.  We were told her story and given the opportunity to decide if we wanted to meet with her or not. It was a match meeting call!

Wait, the yard sale. 

We told our agent that we couldn’t meet that next day because Derek had to work and that was the day we were setting up the massive yard sale.  She told us that she would try to work out another meeting time giving us a few days to pray about it. Our meeting was scheduled for the following Tuesday and the yard sale kept us busy during those 4 days. It was so hard to not spill the beans to everyone who asked us for an update during the sale. Derek and I just giggled.

So, all the while that we thought God was going to do something incredible with our yard sale, we had no idea that He was working on bringing our little one home to us. He opened our focus from a fundraiser to the reason we were fundraising. 

Rest

It's been awhile since we've been able to update everyone on our journey. Even though it's been a full week since our yard sale, we're still sore, bruised, and tired. It took a lot out of us and frankly when we came home there was more to do. We organized what we brought home, cleaned our house because we had only been sleeping there (the other times we were picking up donations!), and slept for hours! We wouldn't have changed anything! We're happy and blessed to be tired.

On a happier note, I was able to send of for our four grants and was happy to see them go. They were becoming pretty stressful, so I'm happy they are completed. All we can do now is pray!

We also know that our profile is being looked at and we are praying for our little one and their birth family while we wait. Finding a pediatrician, packing the diaper bag, and informing our employers about our current situation are all on the agenda as we sit here twiddling our thumbs.

Even though we are slightly impatient, we are really enjoying and savoring our down time because we know with one phone call that could change!

Please continue to pray for our birth mom and her family, her confidence in the adoption process and in us, our child, and that when the time comes, we would be able to bring them home.

Yard Sale Wrap Up

Over 10 truck loads of items were donated

It was an incredible sight to see. Over 500 people came to shop through the items donated by over 30 families. The weeks of hard work and prayers paid off with what we considered to be a very successful yard sale! While the financial donations were incredible (thank you!), we loved seeing your smiling faces most of all. Old friends from high school, strangers who saw the event posted on facebook, volunteers from church, and family members all came out to support us. It was overwhelming to hear well wishes every time an item was sold and see our friends and family talking about our adoption journey with shoppers.

Used the nursery to store overflow!

It was a huge event to prepare for and our volunteers couldn't have been better! They helped us load and unload several trucks, set up tables, organize items, and tear it all down in the end. They worked their bottoms off and were paid with bug bites, bruises, sunburns, and sore muscles. When we became overwhelmed, they took control and made it happen. We could never have done something like this by ourselves and would never have wanted to do it with anyone other than them!

God moved in our lives this week. Every donation that we picked up had a story to go with it. Every time I would get online there was a new message with God written all over it. We'd never be able to list all of the incredible moments that came from our yard sale experience, but we did want to share just a few:

K and I working hard on setting things up

- A friend of Derek's came by with his mom and although he didn't find anything to purchase (I guess baby clothes and glassware wasn't his thing), he made a financial donation. But it was what he said that made me fall apart. "I'm just a college student without a job, but I saved up for weeks so that I could make this donation. I was so excited when I found out Derek was going to be a dad and I want to do my part to make sure he has a child."

- A stranger walked up to me and said, "I didn't find anything to buy but wanted to support you anyway", handing me a wad of cash.

-After adding up a large order of items, I told the lady her total and she told me it wasn't enough. She paid double.

First few hours of set up

- I was told of 3 young girls (2 of which were adopted themselves) who had heard about our adoption story and wanted to help out. They sat outside in the rain on a Saturday morning and sold lemonade. They raised $19.96 and were so proud when they handed us the envelope full of change that they had covered in hearts.

- A police man drove up the street and my heart sank. I thought for sure that we were going to get in trouble for having so many cars parked on the street, but he ended up just coming out to support us and shop with his family. He said that the word had been passed around church and he wouldn't miss this opportunity.

Our friend C with his new toy

- The day before the sale, a young man sent me a message saying that this yard sale was all anyone in his area was talking about and that someone had even posted it on the tv screens at IUS.

- There were countless times that a shopper would ask me for prices and when we came to a total it was the exact amount of money they had. They all wanted to know how I did it. I think God was just showing off.

Preparing the yard for the big day!

 The amount we raised put us close to the half way point! God is continuing to open doors as we prepare for our child to come home!

Massive Adoption Yard Sale!

We were so excited when our friends J and K offered us their yard for an adoption yard sale where all proceeds go towards our final payment. There is a lot of work involved, but we can already feel God moving! 

Here are the details:

Saturday, Sept. 8th from 8am to 4pm (set up on Friday)
317 Allison Lane in Jeff

We could use your prayers and help! We need prayers for great weather, a wonderful turn out, and lots of organizational wisdom! We're also looking for volunteers to help us with several things for any amount of time you have.

- Donations! If you think it will sell, we'll take it! We can pick it up anytime or you can drop it off on the Friday that we set up.

- Plastic bags. We'll need lots for people to carry their purchases off in.

- Tables. We already have lots of items, so we're going to need lots of tables to put it on.

-Volunteers to help us set up on Friday and man the yard sale on Saturday.

If you can help out in any way just send us a message and we'll get you the details (and big hugs!). 

Thank you so much!!!

Preparing For Baby

Derek and I have been talking about what we can do to prepare for the little one's arrival. Although we know that it will catch us off guard, we're hoping to have as much prepared ahead of time so we can enjoy the "gotcha" process. We're putting the finishing touches on the nursery and my sweet friend is even planning a baby shower to help us prepare and celebrate (thanks A!).


Things we'd like to find out before Baby comes:

What goes in the diaper bag when you're headed to the hospital? We have no idea if they will be a boy or girl or even what size they will be in, but we know they shouldn't be naked!

What does the hospital provide? Diapers, blankets, pacifiers, formula?

We'd like to get a gift for our tummy mommy, but how do you say thank you to something this huge?

I've always thought about taking our little one to the chiropractor when they are born, but I need more info on that.

How to switch from formula to breast milk. Our little one will be blessed with donated breast milk, but I'm not sure how long that will take to set up.

Feeding/sleeping/play schedule when they finally come home. I've read books, but want to talk to more mammas to feel more comfortable.


What we do know is that Wal-Mart is just a short drive from any hospital in Indiana, so whatever we're missing they will probably have. If not, I'll get to try out my new "mom look".  Also with any adoption everything is situational, so as we get further into the process and get matched, we'll have more of these questions answered.

It's Official

I was cleaning out the kitchen when Derek gave me a big hug from behind and slipped an envelope into my hand. I ripped it open and started sobbing at the first line: "Your family has been approved for adoption planning!"

It finally came! Our official paperwork saying that our home study had been approved and that our profile was being shown to mommas was in my hands. We could finally shout it from the rooftops and boy, did we! Derek was on the upstairs computer and I was on the laptop. We counted down and posted our adoption picture and good news on Facebook at the same time and just stared at the screen while people blessed us with their love and well wishes. It was the moment we had talked about for years and it was finally here. What a special moment it is to share with the world that you're having a baby!

I feel like we're back on the adoption track now. I can't tell you how thrown off I was when that letter just wouldn't come. And sorry to those of you who got texts or calls from me during this time. I know I was a mess. But much, much better now!

Derek and I are having a blast knowing that it could happen at any day, but let's be honest at how scary that can be. It could be while I'm writing this blog entry or next year. We can't wait for baby to come, but hubby and I are just hoping that we can at least have grants completed and most of the funds raised before they get here. I would love to get a sneak peak of God's schedule.

What a beautiful trip!

Celebrity Adoption

Did you know these celebrities were adopted?

Jesus-Of course He was!
Nat King Cole- Singer
Elenor Roosevelt- First Lady
Aristotle- Philosopher
50 Cent- Hip Hop artist
Priscilla Presley- Wife of Elvis Presley
Sarah McLachlan- Singer
DMC- Of Run DMC
Nicole Richie- Actress
Babe Ruth- Baseball Guru
Dave Thomas- Founder of Wendy's
Deborah Henry (Blondie)- Singer
Steve Jobs- Macintosh
Marilyn Monroe-Model
Faith Hill- Singer
Jamie Foxx- Actor
Edgar Allen Poe- Author
John Lennon- Musician
Nelson Mandela- Activist
Bill Clinton- President
Eric Clapton- Musician
Snookie- Reality TV Star
Gary Coleman- Actor
Superman- Super Hero

Mail Stalker

Patience is a virtue I just don't have lately.

I feel like we've been waiting on the official home study approval from our agency for years. We were pushed back a few weeks because they wanted us to finish our educational courses before we were considered approved, even though our home study has been approved for a month now. That requirement was completed 6 days ago and I assumed we would have gotten our approval in the mail by now.

I've become a mail stalker, checking the mail box several times a day hoping it will be there. Nothing. There was even 3 days in a row where we didn't get any mail, so I had hope that the mail carrier had a freak accident and didn't stop by our house and would eventually come running up the driveway, ring the doorbell and hand me "the" letter. She would have some crazy story that the neighbor's dog grabbed the letter out of her hand and she's been chasing it around over the weekend, but yet the letter wouldn't have a scratch on it. I like for my daydreams to have a happy ending.

Maybe if I write a blog entry about it, it will show up tomorrow.


***Note to future self. The letter will arrive and when it does, go back and read this entry and see what an impatient dork you were. Love you!

What Happens Next

As I type I'm being stared at by a 2 month old little boy. I've been babysitting him and it has been great practice for us and even our house. Our nursery and baby things have been used and it's so fun to see a little one in the crib.  Everyday something starts to make sense to me like when moms say they never get to sit down to a meal or take a hot shower. I'm starting to see that.

I've learned how to make a bottle with one hand (even my left hand), how to change an incredibly awkward outfit, how to install a car seat, and how to know when he just wants some attention. I even had my first experience taking him to the store by myself. A lady opened the door for me and complimented him on his cuteness. Yeah, I could get used to this.

We just took a trip to Indy to attend our last educational meeting. Derek planned the entire day and it was so nice to spend the day driving from surprise to surprise. He took me to the Indianapolis state fair where we saw bunnies and made a carnie man mad. We then had lunch in the park and watched children play on the playground. Then we headed to a neat comic book store in downtown which led us to the mall and dinner at our favorite place, PF Changs. Our day ended at the Bethany office where we attended our panel meeting. I can't tell you how much I needed that time away to recharge with my sweetie.

Our panel meeting was great, as always. Every time we attend Bethany we are reaffirmed in our agency choice. The staff is incredible as well as those who spoke at the meeting.

At the end of it we passed off our last paperwork and the copies of our profile. Irene, the domestic adoption direction, commented again that our profile was so unique (she's done this for over 30 years) and she can't wait to show it to mommas. Derek was so affirmed in that and it was a great way to end the day.

We are now "in the pool", meaning we could get a call at any moment and we are ecstatic!

That phone call will come from Kimber, our adoption specialist, and she could say two things:

1. There is a child born at Blahbity Blah Hospital with this history (medical, family, etc.).  We will then pray about it and if we feel like God is calling us in this direction, we will race like mad people to the hospital, scoop them up and ride off into the sunset.

2. There is a birth mom (usually in her last trimester) who has read our profile and would like to have a Match Meeting with us. Kimber will tell us what they know about the child and their family and will give us a choice to meet with her or not. If we choose to this means that we will meet with her and see if there is a connection. We'll answer any questions she has and ask some of our own. If she and Derek and I feel like it is what God wants than we'll be considered "matched" meaning our profile will be taken out of the pool. At that time we wait for her to give birth and sign the legal paperwork.  To make this very clear, being "matched" does not mean that the birth momma is forced to sign the paperwork in any way. It is absolutely her decision and is just the risk that we take. If she chooses to parent her child we will consider it a blessing just to know her and rejoice for that child.

As we move into this next phase of the process we ask for prayers for God's hand to be involved in every aspect of our journey.

Our Family Profile

A family profile is required at the end of your home study, so the agency can show your information to birth moms in a way that reflects your family. They can include any information that you want (with certain requirements) and can look however you'd like them to, so the sky's the limit.

We spent a lot of time trying to figure out who we were as a couple and what made us unique, so that our profile would reflect that. We decided that at the core of who we are, we are creative and goofy. If there was a hidden camera in our house, you would catch us building pillow forts and shooting nerf guns at each other, or making up a song about mutant food as we put groceries away. That creativity and silliness is what we tried to include as much as possible.

We decided to go with a modern magazine approach hoping that would make us stand out from the crowd. Derek has been working nonstop for the past few weeks putting together this beautiful profile from scratch (there's that creativity I was talking about). Thank goodness I married a graphic designer because not only did he save us a ton of money making it himself, but it is 100% us from the design to the content.

We found that this was probably one of the hardest parts of the process this far. It's hard to show who you are as individuals, as a couple, and as a family in 20 pages. We rewrote the content several times trying to pick and choose what was most important while trying to stay true to who we really are. We even argued over which pictures to include, all the while wondering how you explain to a woman that you'll love them and their child more than they can ever imagine in text and pictures? We pray that it will be obvious to her.


Bethany Family Profile!">

Power Of Words

As an adoptive couple we've had to learn all sorts of new things in a short amount of time including a whole vocabulary list.  While we're doing pretty well, we can still catch ourselves using outdated (and sometimes even hurtful) words and phrases pertaining to adoption.

I came across this magazine article and felt like this was something that I needed to share. You can see the subtle nuances between these words and recognize why they would elicit different responses from the listener. English class, anyone?



Rather than.....                                              We suggest.......

Real parent                                                                          Birthparent, Birthmother, Birthfather

Natural parent                                                                     Biological parent


Unwed mother                                                                    Single parent


Unwanted pregnancy                                                        Unplanned or unintended pregnancy


Put up for adoption                                                           Make an adoption plan

Give up for adoption                                                        Choose adoption


Keep a child                                                                       Parent a child


Real child                                                                           Birthchild


Healthy child                                                                    Child without identified disabilities or special needs


HIVchild                                                                            Child living with HIV


Child with special needs                                                Child with physical, emotional or developmental             
                                                                                                                                                                disabilities 


Foreign adoption                                                             International adoption


Foreign child                                                                   Child born overseas


"Gotcha Day"                                                                   Family Day or Adoption Day


Find parents                                                                     Search for birthparents


Post-adoption depressions syndrome (PADS)           Depression after adoption

Conspicuous Families

This week we completed another one of our educational courses, but this time we were given the opportunity to take an online course. It was great to sit on the couch together and take a class in the comfort of our own home and yes, joke about how outdated it was or how silly some of the questions were. They don't like when you do that in an actual classroom.

This course was called Conspicuous Families and it was all about learning how to be a better transracial family. Now a transracial family means to be a family made up of different races, but not necessarily adopted. This could be a blended family with a caucasian mom and a chinese step-father. This could also be a family where both parents are african american and they have adopted a mexican daughter. Any way you can think of has been done and is absolutely beautiful!

The course itself was quick (bonus!) and interactive (Derek appreciated that) and gave us a chance to look at our lives from a new perspective. We mapped out our lives in color and saw where we were lacking diversity. We saw that while we like to believe we have a variety of cultures in our lives, there were areas where we didn't (close friends, doctors, etc.). On the other hand we were able to see there were a few areas that were brightly colored in different races (Derek's job, our music/art choices, and our community).

Another lesson in the course was how to react to rude comments or questions about your conspicuous family. I personally loved this part because as moms, we're known to have the claws come out when something is said about your child. As an adoptive mom where it might be extremely obvious that you didn't give birth to your child, it's a million times harder. What would you say to these comments:

You're standing in the post office with your overly tired toddler. The woman behind you says "Oh what a beautiful family you have. They're so lucky to have you."


You're in the checkout line with your 5 year old and 3 year old who have started arguing because you've been in the store f.o.r.e.v.e.r. and the gentleman in front of you asks "How much did you have to pay for them?". 


In the fabric store you notice that your daughter is lagging behind you. You round the corner and notice that she hasn't followed you yet. You see an older woman, the manager, holding your daughters hand saying "No sweetie, where is your mommy?". 



While in the moment you may want to teach them a thing or two, your child (and others) is always watching. They are not only seeing if you will treat another person with love or anger, but they are seeing how you react to being an adoptive family. This is shaping how they see themselves as an adopted child and how they will react when someone asks them why their mommy is white and they aren't.

There are three ways to answer these types of questions or comments- informative, humorous, and guarded. Depending on you and your child's mood (child's age, the day you've had), social situation (park, post office, telephone), and who you're talking to (friend, family, or stranger) you can use any of these techniques to answer. Here's an example:

You're bringing your little one home for your family to meet them for the first time and while you're showing them around your uncle says "Is that one of those crack babies?". 

Informative: " She is happy and healthy."
Humorous: "She'll only crack if you drop her!"
Guarded: " I'm really glad that isn't something that you have to worry about."

These types of answers give you the opportunity to end the conversation in a polite way or continue if you want to. Even though I've taken this course and feel much more prepared for when these situations will come up, it's going to take a lot of prayer and constraint to not just punch them in the nose.

Nursery

While adoption is a beautiful thing, sometimes it's nice to just talk about becoming a first time parent and the excitement that it brings.

While some adoptive families don't create a nursery because it can be hard to look on an empty crib while waiting, Derek and I have delighted in building our nursery. We love looking in on it and seeing the hope that it represents. We love sitting in the rocking chair that was my grandparent's and praying for our little one and their family. We love reading over the notes and cards that you've sent when we need some encouragement.

Each time we add something to the nursery we feel closer to our little one, and although we're far from finished, we'd like to share some of those pictures with you.

Home Study Approval

Hi everyone! We've got great news- our home study was approved!

We were originally told that we would receive our approval in the mail, but after a couple of weeks with no letter (and the post man wondering why I checked the mail every hour) I decided to email our agency to see what was going on. They told us that we were approved, but they were waiting on us to complete our last educational classes (something we were not originally told). Fortunately those will be completed by August 7th, so we're planning on announcing it later that week once we receive the confirmation paperwork.

Although we're a little bummed that we have to wait a few more weeks to be officially approved, it does give us a little longer to fund raise for the home study fee, and to complete our family profile. Derek is working like crazy on our profile and we're both ready to cross it off the list. This part of the adoption process has been weighing on us and we're ready to be in the next stage- the waiting stage!

Bethany On TV

Just received an email that our adoption agency, Bethany of Indianapolis, will be on tv. For those of you who have cable here is more information and the schedule:

“I’m Having Their Baby” follows would-be moms as they make the most difficult decision of their lives – whether or not to place their babies for adoption. They want better lives for their unborn children and brighter futures for themselves. The cameras follow these women in these docu-series as they search for potential adoptive parents, make their birth and transfer plans and ultimately struggle to go through with their decision.

Thanks to the excellent work of several Bethany branch offices in the last year, 6 of the 12 stories being told are Bethany adoption stories with no other agency having more than one story! The TV show worked hard to not let the show impact any expectant parent's decision to parent or place their child for adoption, but they only filmed women in their final trimester who were very seriously considering adoption. In the end, 10 of the women chose to place for adoption while 2 chose to parent. Here is the schedule of when each Bethany adoption story will be aired.

Below is a list of the episodes of the Oxygen show which will air beginning at 11 PM Eastern/10 PM Central:

July 23 - Features 2 Bethany stories from FL and GA
July 30 - Features 1 Bethany story. The birth mom is Mariah and her counselor was Katie Weber of IN
August 6 - Features 1 Bethany story from the state of WA
August 13 - Features 1 Bethany story. The birth mom is Brandalynn and her counselor was Irene Evans of IN
August 27 - Features 1 Bethany story from VA

8 Years Of Bliss

This week we celebrated 8 wonderful years of marriage. Although we're in the middle of a No Spend month, we were still able to thoroughly enjoy the day with gift cards. We saw the new Spider Man movie, ate (and ate!) at the Olive Garden and then had yogurt at the local Sweet and Swirly.

We really do enjoy spending time together and consider each other our best friends. It was so much fun sitting over lunch talking about how this would probably be our last anniversary with just the two of us, so we had better enjoy it.

I am so excited to be a family, but it was really nice to sit together and pretend that the rest of the world doesn't exist. I just love that man.

DesignBomb

Hi everyone! I'm sorry I haven't updated as quickly as I would have liked, but we've had a very busy week.

We are expecting our home study approval early next week and with that comes the dreaded $7,800 bill that we've been telling you about. Derek and I have been praying that God move large financial shaped mountains because there was no way we could do it. We had run out of options- there was no more savings account, no more hours at work, no more side jobs available, and we were losing steam.

We decided to try another Baby Blitz where we give it all up to Him and just be available for whatever He calls us to this week, and to say the least...it's been incredible!

It started with Derek selling some action figures, and then an unexpected check for some yard sale items we had previously sold, and then we received a beautiful donation (thank you!). And then came the button sales....oh the buttons.....

Derek has a 1 inch button company on facebook called DesignBomb and this week it blew up! A friend of a friend spread the word that we could do buttons for a 31 National Conference and let me tell you, those 31 ladies are crazy for anything that says 31. Through those orders, we have been able to raise over $500. Never thought we'd fund an adoption through 1 inch buttons, but what a blessing it has been!

You thought that was the end of Baby Blitz? Tsk. Tsk.

Yesterday I opened the mail and we received a large check from our past insurance company as a refund from the latest insurance laws they passed. Unbelievable.

Our week is not done and God has already blessed us with over $800 in unexpected funds. It's such an honor to know that when we cry out to Him (man, was there a lot of crying), He not only listens, but moves.

Oh Yeah

Our home study is officially in review! 

We're just waiting for approval in a couple of weeks and then we can get this show on the road. We can't tell you how excited we are to finally yell this from the rooftops and get this wonderful blessing out in the open. 

Thanks for being patient with us as we waited for the right time to announce this. Your prayers and encouragement during this private time have held us up and kept us going.  But we're tired of keeping what God is doing a secret, so it's almost time to bust the doors open and start celebrating!

Quick Update

The Process:  Some of our home study paperwork was misplaced and we have to mail some more forms which could put us behind a couple of weeks, but God knows what he's doing.  We're looking at getting approved towards the end of July which gives us a little more time to raise the funds, but does put us behind a bit.

We attended our Pre-placement meeting this week in Indy and we learned a lot more about the details of what happens when we are matched with a family, including what happens in the hospital, and the finalization process. Again, it really showed us that we made the right choice of working with Bethany Christian.

Our family profile is coming along nicely and we were lucky enough to get some pictures with a professional photographer this week. Check them out, but we're keeping the best for later!


The Finances:  We're working on getting some button orders completed, selling a few donated items, and we're hoping for a few more personal donations to get us closer to our goal of $8000.  In the mean time we're praying that God move this giant mountain or at least show us He's chipping away at it.


We have started a "no spend month" to save some extra money in July. No clothes, entertainment, or iced coffee unless it's free. Our goal is to have some extra money at the end of the month to put in our jar. Yikes, but so worth it!

Grant writing is under way and man is it overwhelming! Each grant has different requirements and instructions, so we're taking our time. We need to raise as much money as we can through grants, so everything must be completed correctly.







The Prayers:
For our little one and their birth family to feel loved
For us to reach our goal of $8000 by the end of July
For our paperwork to go swiftly into the right hands