A family profile is required at the end of your home study, so the agency can show your information to birth moms in a way that reflects your family. They can include any information that you want (with certain requirements) and can look however you'd like them to, so the sky's the limit.
We spent a lot of time trying to figure out who we were as a couple and what made us unique, so that our profile would reflect that. We decided that at the core of who we are, we are creative and goofy. If there was a hidden camera in our house, you would catch us building pillow forts and shooting nerf guns at each other, or making up a song about mutant food as we put groceries away. That creativity and silliness is what we tried to include as much as possible.
We decided to go with a modern magazine approach hoping that would make us stand out from the crowd. Derek has been working nonstop for the past few weeks putting together this beautiful profile from scratch (there's that creativity I was talking about). Thank goodness I married a graphic designer because not only did he save us a ton of money making it himself, but it is 100% us from the design to the content.
We found that this was probably one of the hardest parts of the process this far. It's hard to show who you are as individuals, as a couple, and as a family in 20 pages. We rewrote the content several times trying to pick and choose what was most important while trying to stay true to who we really are. We even argued over which pictures to include, all the while wondering how you explain to a woman that you'll love them and their child more than they can ever imagine in text and pictures? We pray that it will be obvious to her.
Bethany Family Profile!">
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Power Of Words
As an adoptive couple we've had to learn all sorts of new things in a short amount of time including a whole vocabulary list. While we're doing pretty well, we can still catch ourselves using outdated (and sometimes even hurtful) words and phrases pertaining to adoption.
I came across this magazine article and felt like this was something that I needed to share. You can see the subtle nuances between these words and recognize why they would elicit different responses from the listener. English class, anyone?
Rather than..... We suggest.......
Natural parent Biological parent
Unwed mother Single parent
Unwanted pregnancy Unplanned or unintended pregnancy
Put up for adoption Make an adoption plan
Give up for adoption Choose adoption
Keep a child Parent a child
Real child Birthchild
Healthy child Child without identified disabilities or special needs
HIVchild Child living with HIV
Child with special needs Child with physical, emotional or developmental
disabilities
Foreign adoption International adoption
Foreign child Child born overseas
"Gotcha Day" Family Day or Adoption Day
Find parents Search for birthparents
Post-adoption depressions syndrome (PADS) Depression after adoption
I came across this magazine article and felt like this was something that I needed to share. You can see the subtle nuances between these words and recognize why they would elicit different responses from the listener. English class, anyone?
Rather than..... We suggest.......
Real parent Birthparent, Birthmother, Birthfather
Unwed mother Single parent
Unwanted pregnancy Unplanned or unintended pregnancy
Put up for adoption Make an adoption plan
Give up for adoption Choose adoption
Keep a child Parent a child
Real child Birthchild
Healthy child Child without identified disabilities or special needs
HIVchild Child living with HIV
Child with special needs Child with physical, emotional or developmental
disabilities
Foreign adoption International adoption
Foreign child Child born overseas
"Gotcha Day" Family Day or Adoption Day
Find parents Search for birthparents
Post-adoption depressions syndrome (PADS) Depression after adoption
Conspicuous Families
This week we completed another one of our educational courses, but this time we were given the opportunity to take an online course. It was great to sit on the couch together and take a class in the comfort of our own home and yes, joke about how outdated it was or how silly some of the questions were. They don't like when you do that in an actual classroom.
This course was called Conspicuous Families and it was all about learning how to be a better transracial family. Now a transracial family means to be a family made up of different races, but not necessarily adopted. This could be a blended family with a caucasian mom and a chinese step-father. This could also be a family where both parents are african american and they have adopted a mexican daughter. Any way you can think of has been done and is absolutely beautiful!
The course itself was quick (bonus!) and interactive (Derek appreciated that) and gave us a chance to look at our lives from a new perspective. We mapped out our lives in color and saw where we were lacking diversity. We saw that while we like to believe we have a variety of cultures in our lives, there were areas where we didn't (close friends, doctors, etc.). On the other hand we were able to see there were a few areas that were brightly colored in different races (Derek's job, our music/art choices, and our community).
Another lesson in the course was how to react to rude comments or questions about your conspicuous family. I personally loved this part because as moms, we're known to have the claws come out when something is said about your child. As an adoptive mom where it might be extremely obvious that you didn't give birth to your child, it's a million times harder. What would you say to these comments:
You're standing in the post office with your overly tired toddler. The woman behind you says "Oh what a beautiful family you have. They're so lucky to have you."
You're in the checkout line with your 5 year old and 3 year old who have started arguing because you've been in the store f.o.r.e.v.e.r. and the gentleman in front of you asks "How much did you have to pay for them?".
In the fabric store you notice that your daughter is lagging behind you. You round the corner and notice that she hasn't followed you yet. You see an older woman, the manager, holding your daughters hand saying "No sweetie, where is your mommy?".
While in the moment you may want to teach them a thing or two, your child (and others) is always watching. They are not only seeing if you will treat another person with love or anger, but they are seeing how you react to being an adoptive family. This is shaping how they see themselves as an adopted child and how they will react when someone asks them why their mommy is white and they aren't.
There are three ways to answer these types of questions or comments- informative, humorous, and guarded. Depending on you and your child's mood (child's age, the day you've had), social situation (park, post office, telephone), and who you're talking to (friend, family, or stranger) you can use any of these techniques to answer. Here's an example:
You're bringing your little one home for your family to meet them for the first time and while you're showing them around your uncle says "Is that one of those crack babies?".
Informative: " She is happy and healthy."
Humorous: "She'll only crack if you drop her!"
Guarded: " I'm really glad that isn't something that you have to worry about."
These types of answers give you the opportunity to end the conversation in a polite way or continue if you want to. Even though I've taken this course and feel much more prepared for when these situations will come up, it's going to take a lot of prayer and constraint to not just punch them in the nose.
This course was called Conspicuous Families and it was all about learning how to be a better transracial family. Now a transracial family means to be a family made up of different races, but not necessarily adopted. This could be a blended family with a caucasian mom and a chinese step-father. This could also be a family where both parents are african american and they have adopted a mexican daughter. Any way you can think of has been done and is absolutely beautiful!
The course itself was quick (bonus!) and interactive (Derek appreciated that) and gave us a chance to look at our lives from a new perspective. We mapped out our lives in color and saw where we were lacking diversity. We saw that while we like to believe we have a variety of cultures in our lives, there were areas where we didn't (close friends, doctors, etc.). On the other hand we were able to see there were a few areas that were brightly colored in different races (Derek's job, our music/art choices, and our community).
Another lesson in the course was how to react to rude comments or questions about your conspicuous family. I personally loved this part because as moms, we're known to have the claws come out when something is said about your child. As an adoptive mom where it might be extremely obvious that you didn't give birth to your child, it's a million times harder. What would you say to these comments:
You're standing in the post office with your overly tired toddler. The woman behind you says "Oh what a beautiful family you have. They're so lucky to have you."
You're in the checkout line with your 5 year old and 3 year old who have started arguing because you've been in the store f.o.r.e.v.e.r. and the gentleman in front of you asks "How much did you have to pay for them?".
In the fabric store you notice that your daughter is lagging behind you. You round the corner and notice that she hasn't followed you yet. You see an older woman, the manager, holding your daughters hand saying "No sweetie, where is your mommy?".
While in the moment you may want to teach them a thing or two, your child (and others) is always watching. They are not only seeing if you will treat another person with love or anger, but they are seeing how you react to being an adoptive family. This is shaping how they see themselves as an adopted child and how they will react when someone asks them why their mommy is white and they aren't.
There are three ways to answer these types of questions or comments- informative, humorous, and guarded. Depending on you and your child's mood (child's age, the day you've had), social situation (park, post office, telephone), and who you're talking to (friend, family, or stranger) you can use any of these techniques to answer. Here's an example:
You're bringing your little one home for your family to meet them for the first time and while you're showing them around your uncle says "Is that one of those crack babies?".
Informative: " She is happy and healthy."
Humorous: "She'll only crack if you drop her!"
Guarded: " I'm really glad that isn't something that you have to worry about."
These types of answers give you the opportunity to end the conversation in a polite way or continue if you want to. Even though I've taken this course and feel much more prepared for when these situations will come up, it's going to take a lot of prayer and constraint to not just punch them in the nose.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Nursery
While adoption is a beautiful thing, sometimes it's nice to just talk about becoming a first time parent and the excitement that it brings.While some adoptive families don't create a nursery because it can be hard to look on an empty crib while waiting, Derek and I have delighted in building our nursery. We love looking in on it and seeing the hope that it represents. We love sitting in the rocking chair that was my grandparent's and praying for our little one and their family. We love reading over the notes and cards that you've sent when we need some encouragement.
Home Study Approval
Hi everyone! We've got great news- our home study was approved!
We were originally told that we would receive our approval in the mail, but after a couple of weeks with no letter (and the post man wondering why I checked the mail every hour) I decided to email our agency to see what was going on. They told us that we were approved, but they were waiting on us to complete our last educational classes (something we were not originally told). Fortunately those will be completed by August 7th, so we're planning on announcing it later that week once we receive the confirmation paperwork.
Although we're a little bummed that we have to wait a few more weeks to be officially approved, it does give us a little longer to fund raise for the home study fee, and to complete our family profile. Derek is working like crazy on our profile and we're both ready to cross it off the list. This part of the adoption process has been weighing on us and we're ready to be in the next stage- the waiting stage!
We were originally told that we would receive our approval in the mail, but after a couple of weeks with no letter (and the post man wondering why I checked the mail every hour) I decided to email our agency to see what was going on. They told us that we were approved, but they were waiting on us to complete our last educational classes (something we were not originally told). Fortunately those will be completed by August 7th, so we're planning on announcing it later that week once we receive the confirmation paperwork.
Although we're a little bummed that we have to wait a few more weeks to be officially approved, it does give us a little longer to fund raise for the home study fee, and to complete our family profile. Derek is working like crazy on our profile and we're both ready to cross it off the list. This part of the adoption process has been weighing on us and we're ready to be in the next stage- the waiting stage!
Friday, July 13, 2012
Bethany On TV
Just received an email that our adoption agency, Bethany of Indianapolis, will be on tv. For those of you who have cable here is more information and the schedule:
“I’m Having Their Baby” follows would-be moms as they make the most difficult decision of their lives – whether or not to place their babies for adoption. They want better lives for their unborn children and brighter futures for themselves. The cameras follow these women in these docu-series as they search for potential adoptive parents, make their birth and transfer plans and ultimately struggle to go through with their decision.
Thanks to the excellent work of several Bethany branch offices in the last year, 6 of the 12 stories being told are Bethany adoption stories with no other agency having more than one story! The TV show worked hard to not let the show impact any expectant parent's decision to parent or place their child for adoption, but they only filmed women in their final trimester who were very seriously considering adoption. In the end, 10 of the women chose to place for adoption while 2 chose to parent. Here is the schedule of when each Bethany adoption story will be aired.
Below is a list of the episodes of the Oxygen show which will air beginning at 11 PM Eastern/10 PM Central:
July 23 - Features 2 Bethany stories from FL and GA
July 30 - Features 1 Bethany story. The birth mom is Mariah and her counselor was Katie Weber of IN
August 6 - Features 1 Bethany story from the state of WA
August 13 - Features 1 Bethany story. The birth mom is Brandalynn and her counselor was Irene Evans of IN
August 27 - Features 1 Bethany story from VA
“I’m Having Their Baby” follows would-be moms as they make the most difficult decision of their lives – whether or not to place their babies for adoption. They want better lives for their unborn children and brighter futures for themselves. The cameras follow these women in these docu-series as they search for potential adoptive parents, make their birth and transfer plans and ultimately struggle to go through with their decision.
Thanks to the excellent work of several Bethany branch offices in the last year, 6 of the 12 stories being told are Bethany adoption stories with no other agency having more than one story! The TV show worked hard to not let the show impact any expectant parent's decision to parent or place their child for adoption, but they only filmed women in their final trimester who were very seriously considering adoption. In the end, 10 of the women chose to place for adoption while 2 chose to parent. Here is the schedule of when each Bethany adoption story will be aired.
Below is a list of the episodes of the Oxygen show which will air beginning at 11 PM Eastern/10 PM Central:
July 23 - Features 2 Bethany stories from FL and GA
July 30 - Features 1 Bethany story. The birth mom is Mariah and her counselor was Katie Weber of IN
August 6 - Features 1 Bethany story from the state of WA
August 13 - Features 1 Bethany story. The birth mom is Brandalynn and her counselor was Irene Evans of IN
August 27 - Features 1 Bethany story from VA
8 Years Of Bliss
This week we celebrated 8 wonderful years of marriage. Although we're in the middle of a No Spend month, we were still able to thoroughly enjoy the day with gift cards. We saw the new Spider Man movie, ate (and ate!) at the Olive Garden and then had yogurt at the local Sweet and Swirly.
We really do enjoy spending time together and consider each other our best friends. It was so much fun sitting over lunch talking about how this would probably be our last anniversary with just the two of us, so we had better enjoy it.
I am so excited to be a family, but it was really nice to sit together and pretend that the rest of the world doesn't exist. I just love that man.
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